Frankenhooker (1990)

Frankenhooker seems like it should be the title for a parody porno, unfortunately it’s not. This is a real movie that exists. There are a lot of 90’s boobs though which is neat. I was kept up way past my bed time to watch this movie about a guys ugly wife who is murdered by a berserk lawnmower. He keeps her body parts in a special purple goo fridge and then picks all the best parts from all the best hookers. Unfortunately though all the best hookers explode from taking super crack. The guy with the dead wife with takes all the exploded hooker parts and puts his dead wifes head on them and brings her back to life. I.E. Frankenhooker. There’s a pimp named Zorro who’s really buff too, he says some funny things sometimes. Somehow the stupid guy with the dead wife ends up with his stupid head on a body made up of the all crappy unused hooker parts. The end.

[speaking to a room full of scattered body parts after all the hookers explode]
“I want to apologize to everybody here.”

1.92/5

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Scream

Watched this for the first time in forever and I think I’ve seen so many bad movies that scream has become watchable in that grand scale of horror

Take a Hitchcock movie add a shitty 90’s cast trying to squeeze as many horror references in as possible and play nick cave and you have scream IMG_9333.JPG

You’re Next (2011)

This movie could have been good if not for a few things

  1. the killers sucked – really a bunch of shitty ex military dudes with dollar store masks and crossbows that’s the best thing you could do what ever happened to the tormented soul back from the dead for revenge or the truly evil person
  2. why have a mask if you are going to take it off constantly that’s just dumb keep it of those things are hard to see out of
  3. anyone could guess the plot within the first 20 minutes

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