Good news for horror fans everywhere

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Rob zombie claims to be taking a break from horror

I would like to speak for all of the MoĆ¼th Rotters when I say Good we never wanted you and your shitty spastic movies how the hell can someone be so bad at ripping others off how can someone make only remakes and consider them selfs original stick to making shitty music for middle schoolers old man

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Freddy’s Dead

Freddy killed all the kids anywhere near elm st except for a spastic guy who looks like he is a stand in on boy meets world who is sent to find more teens for Freddy he somehow meets Freddy’s daughter? (Why do they always make a huge deal of people being related no one fucking cares I just want kills and one liners) and a home for troubled children they somehow all wind up back on elm st and Freddy fucks there shot all up till they try pulling him from the dream again and this time it worked at one point Freddy starts to list off the ways he has been killed he neglects to mention the time he was killed by love and the time his own reflection killed him
(4/5)

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maniac (2013)

a mouth breathing man with severe mommy issues gets wild migraines and keeps scalping slutty bitch girls anytime he tries to form some type of connection with them. he also talks to himself, frantically eats a lot of pills, drives a van, has a dirt lip, wears a turtle neck, has a badass hunting knife, and really enjoys mannequins.
also features, a lot of awesome gore, nasal spray, stapling hair to mannequins, and elijah wood pulling off a great frank zito. this movie ruled

(5/5) I’m impressed with this remake, it’s good.

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rumplestiltskin (1995)

this little cheesy one liner, middle finger giving, nose pierced creeper runs around trying to eat babies souls.
let him grant you a wish wether it be spools of golden thread (yes some asshole in the movie wishes for that) or to have one night with your dead husband for some sexy time, and you will be giving up your baby child for a meal.
this movie was like a real bad leprechaun but with a witch throwing glitter magic, crying on a rock, rumplestiltskin on a motorcycle, a sweet leather red white and blue USA jacket, and a pretty cool flat black 18 wheeler. what? exactly.
(2.5/5)

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Beyond the Black Rainbow (2010)

Btbr might have put me to sleep a few times with its soft slow start where a creep psychologist is breathing heavy over a little girl for like half the movie full of plexi glass lamps from a slistack cave then all of the sudden the ugly broad finds a book full of robot rape plans then her face explodes creepy guy drops acid with his grand father takes off his contacts to show he really has googly eyes the the girl gets away googly eyes hunts her down then venom starts playing next thing you know headbangers are being stabbed in the mouth while being told to shut up then a hammer horror ending

That priority much ruins the movie for you.

(3.75/5)

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the snowtown murders

wow. how many times can you break one boys spirit in the same movie?
based off of a true fucked up story.

includes crying, murder, pedophelia, ass rapes, head shaving, beards, animal abuse, and feeling really weird by the end of it all.
(3/5 because you shot and decapitated animals you jerk)

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poultrygeist: night of the chicken dead

what a BAD movie. it had so much potential but it sucks. a fast food chicken chain plows down an ancient Indian burial ground to build a new location. obviously the chickens come back to life and shit gets weird and awesome.
but NO instead it keeps breaking out into shitty songs that suck and are not funny and dancing, a disgusting half naked 400 lb man taking a greasy diarrhea shit and showing you his asshole. bad dry humping, a crappy cameo by Ron Jeramy, a lot of unattractive girls with their unattractive tits out, sex with raw chickens, and a lot of not funny sexual jokes.

fuck you poultrygeist, your awesome dvd cover tricked me.

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