RUN FOR LIVES AKA ZOMBIE AREN’T EATING MY FUCKING BRAINS

http://runforyourlives.com/

For all you fucks who claim they could survive a good old fashioned zombie stampede…. Here’ your chance.  Run for your lives is a 5k through the woods with an obstacle course thrown in, but wait there’s more!  Now you’re asking yourself, what makes this race for me Mr.Zombies?  Well kids, your ass will be chased by hordes of zombies the whole damn race.  What’s that?  You don’t want to be chased by zombies, you say.  Well guess fucking what?  Yup, you can be a zombie and chase assholes like yours truly.  Don’t want to do either?  Well, I’m sorry you’re such a pussy, but you can get an observer pass and stand on the sidelines. Locations currently include: Baltimore, Atlanta, Boston, Indianapolis, Portland, Seattle, Pittsburgh, and San Diego.  Your good friend Zombies Ate My Breakfast will be out running bitch ass zombies in Atlanta, possibly Boston as well.  It is a bit pricey if you wait to the last second to sign up, so do it as soon as you can.  There’s camping, live music, and swag to be had as well.

~Zombies Ate My Breakfast

Basket Case 2 (1990) aka the foam rubber porn that should not exist

after dieing Duane and Belisle are magically alive, Duane is nine years older and apparently he has severe brain damage or he cant act im not 100% on that ether way they hook up with a scary old lady and  what looks like a rejected pbs kids show from there people die Duane acts stupid and then the movie ends and you feel as if they stole your love of Basket Case 

I want to see this movie get into a knife fight with the garbage pail kids movie




(1/5)

Donner Party

Dear media,  
                       STOP MAKING SHITTY FUCKING HORROR MOVIES ABOUT THE DONNER PARTY.  GET FUCKING AIDS AND DIE. THAT IS ALL

 DONNER PASS (no release date, thank satan)

~Zombie Ate My Breakfast

Midnight Movie AKA How to analy fist the slasher genre

                So, you want to embarrass yourself and make the worlds shittiest slasher film?  Sorry bro, but writer/director Jack Messitt and writer Mark Garbett have already defecated so heavily on the genre that you can never obtain the title belt. 

                Lets start from the beginning, the music was bad enough to make Buckcherry fans uncomfortable.  I mean they opened up with some generic butt rock that makes Nickleback sound appealing.  Then it gets even better, they found someone that sounds like Blink 182, but sucks even worse and play the fuck out of them for 30 minutes. Meanwhile, they start the whole elaborate bullshit back story about some old guy who played a slasher in an old horror movie(of course it turned him crazy, killed a bunch of people). So, he is locked in an asylum but disappears along side everyone in the building(no one seems to think this is a big deal), after they show him his movie to cure him. OH, OH don’t forget his horror movie is magic and it shits ice cream(I made the ice cream part up).  Then they cut to some bloody room, some symbols, and cops talk about a cult that is never mentioned again.   
                They have all the typical crappy card board cut out characters.  Then all of a sudden they break out the most original character idea ever!  A super loving boyfriend to the main character who just got accepted to a major college in a far far away universe.  Don’t worry folks this 30 year old high school kid refuses to leave his true love.  Even the annoying blond chick from Heroes playing the chick who makes your popcorn couldn’t save this movie.  Seriously though, dick doesn’t happen for at least 35 minutes, they keep trying to set up back story that they never actually fucking explain and it never ties together.  It was like they got really fucking high and forgot what they were making a movie.  So after 35 minutes of being subjected to the worst dialogue and characters ever created, some asshole shows up wearing half a skull mask from Mortal Kombat and toting some twirly ass raper knife thing he made in his shed.  What about the tits and gore, you say?  I mean every slasher flick has those to look forward to!  Yea try again,  blood and gore must have sky rocketed in cost, cause these assholes clearly couldn’t afford either.  Every kill was exactly the same and they cut away every time.  Wait  there’s still tits!  Yea, no there’s not,  unless you count the half second of nerd tits you would need to freeze frame.  Honestly, we could get further into this, including the sweet “twist ending”, but lets just not.  Go look at some internet porn………

1/5

~Zombie Ate My Breakfast