Now its been a while since Ive tried to communicate my thoughts on a film, mostly its just been things passing in front of my eyeballs like images that pass quicker than a fart with all the windows open. I having this child like whimsy that keeps me chugging for the knowledge that someday soon I will be watching a film and I will be living the moment of “holy shit, I just saw that!” Even though I enjoy going to a two floor video store and treasure hunt for a few videos for the night. I saw the preview for Rubber and I got the feeling that this is one of those horror films that will make me think the genre is not dead.
This film just walked up to me and pissed in my mouth and said Hi fuckface I am meta bullshit and I will proceed to break myself down better than diarrhea covered toilet paper being flushed. This assblast from the present is letting you know from the getgo there is not a point and Rubber guards itself by including characters that provide commentary as well as filler for weird scenes, like when a jock would talk about the Sex Pistols and you’d know that there was a message that was completed missed by a dumbshit who got distracted with colored hair and loud music.
In the color commentary given by the onlookers who play 3rd rate servo for this Napoleon Dynamite of the horror world, I saw the preview and I was taken in and yes I thought it may be as good as the first Feast, boy was I wrong and every fifteen minutes my girlfriend lets out a groany I thought I was going to like this. We both agree the no story story is amazingly lame and the leaps of logic just to keep this corn dootie just make you want to find kick anyone who happens to be a deconstructionist.
racing along on a hot day with swamp-ass is more tolerable than toughing this self reflecting hipster mushpile. Its like some guy in tight pants saw Funny Games for the first time and said I can make a Horror film but I’ll do it better. Why the fuck do people think certain films have not plot when they only tell a FUCKIN STORY instead of selling you products out the ass and using a song that rather popular and shove a Robert Downey jr in a title role and slap the film on the ass and make it a summer blockbuster.
So I told a joke about the new Teen Wolf remake during an open mic night. I said that I have not seen the film nor do I plan to, but heres my review… its like a woman ate a salty steak with a side of asparagus and washed it down with a black coffee then pissed in my mouth. Are people that stupid that all you have to do is slap a name on a film and people will go see it? just make another of twilight with its moody sexuality and the kids will love it. The fact I could never see a new movie in my life as long as I had my video store, I’d be fine. Disconnected and loving it.