The blood of these whores is killing me.

Blood for Dracula is a film that I was told to watch on the grounds that I would enjoy it and turns out this film is a two ton gigglefest. True art takes proper form by including a vegetarian vampire, a hero with needle marks on his arms who could not shake his New York accent and overusing the word Whore, I mean who does love whores and that word?

I am not sure how much Andy Worhol had to do in making this film, I have a sneaking suspicion that it was collecting junkies from the village and say “hey lets get naked and make a horror film” Shit the first time the Handy man takes off his shirt, you can needle marks in his arm. The use of skanky broads who are just unappealing, but hey junkies have to have their Michael Jordan too. Back to the plot, Dracula is told by personal Jerome that Dracula has to go to Italy in order to find virgin blood to support his “habit” and Udo Kier plays it better than Bugs Bunny pretending to get shot, in his painful drought of virgin blood. What you may pick up on is the fact Dracula is kinda a whiney bitch who is a pain in the ass for the hosting family.

And how does this happen you ask, Dracula and friend of course go to the tavern in the Italian village, because a bar is the first place I’d look for a virgin. Jerome is trying to look ill pimp by flashing money by offering to buy wine for people and tries to pick up a fourteen year old girl before having Jerome playing a game with Roman Polanski in a fake mustache and ends ups being chumped out in the game of you can’t do, what I can do. This is when he is told of a family with four virgin girls! and in lucky turn for Dracula the child he tried to pick up in front of an old lady gets hit by a car and in a moment of quick thinking his Jerome grabs some bread to soak the blood for his Dracula.
On to the Family with the pack of virgins, who are real broke and just looking to sell of one of their own to support their lavish ways. The father is the kind of person who attempts to talk down to people by making not much sense to make his point. Everything plays out like a formerly rich who are just looking for what can keep them alive… just like Dracula! damn! There are the skanky broads who just want to get naked and screw the Handy man who is kinda in the rape and hitting women, and this is the hero???? The handy man is not buying Dracula’s gimmick and tries to teach the broads he has sex with that after the revolution comes that the rich will die and a bunch of commie hooey, he even has painted a hammer and sickle in his bedroom if you could get where he come from.
Dracula is just whining about anything so he starts biting women who claim to be virgins and just ends up getting sick and convulsing on the ground. Yes, The blood of these whores is killing me is a line from the film. Dracula is just in a wheelchair just whines about whores and once the handy man finds out what Dracula is up to, he is willing to force himself on a girl to save her life.

The final act is pretty fucking amazing and the handy man grabs an ax to hand dracula’s ass back to him. I think he just got sick of some rich guy in a wheelchair just complaining, we’ve all been there. Overall this film has naked broads and some great bloodshed wrapped in a soap opera sheath.

An American Werewolf in Paris (1997)

there is nothing good to say about this movie and far to many things that really pissed me off the 90’s were the worst decade for horror there was a clear point early on in the movie where where I knew there was no redeeming value that is the second that smash mouth started to play fucking smash mouth what the fuck!

ps.. has Vince Vieluf been in a movie without smash mouth in the sound track is theres some sort of conspiracy

Warlock (1989)

Ive spent the majority of my life living in Salem MA so any movies that have a true witch, a worker bee for satan witch not the hippies with a sence of fashion that’s call them selves witchs that sell rocks, incents and end everything in blessed be a bunch for people got murdered and 200 years later your making blood money off it witch

so this movie is about a ghost with a dirty mullet and diabetic 80’s bimbo trying to stop a uptight warlock from undoing creation but in-order for him to end the world he must find Satan’s note book witch has been hidden in random furniture across the united state by the church (way to go church)

this movie is laid out like a road trip comedy you get a wacky character on every spot the gay guy, the Amish guy, the priest who is having a baby???, and the kid who’s dad hates god all of which are awkwardly skimmed past to get the story over faster

Jan Michael Vincent takes Manhattan

Defiance. One more fine example of New York cinema from 1980, that stars Jan Michael Vincent as a merchant marine dropped off in New York and ends up in the slums and against his better judgment, stand up to the local gang known as the Souls that are lead by a guy who looks like he cam in fourth place in the Father Guido Sarducci lookalike contest.
J.M.V plays Tommy, a merchant marine kicked off his boat for reasons unknown and has little money so he is told by a friend he can live in a gang terrorized block of NY for cheap and Tommy has no choice but to live in a crappy apartment next to Danny Aiello, who is a member of the Sportsmen, a bunch of washed up dudes who have from a guys club in order to drink beers and have jackets with their “club” name on the back.
Tommy has his first introduction to the sportsmen by way of getting a stolen fish thrown into his lap, later that night Tommy is learning to speak Spanish only to be disrupted by the Sportsmen having a party complete with loud music, Tommy asks them to turn down their music but they choose to turn up the volume and Tommy uses his noodle by slamming a basketball towards their wall until they realized it was to loud.
As Defiance progresses Tommy befriends a Latino child, a Jewish lady who is rather annoying, but since he has been around dudes for too long, he boinks her anyways, and a ex-boxer named whacko. All of these people color up is lively neighborhood that is controlled by the Souls that have got the locals too scared to tell the police on the Souls.
Tommy is just fine with doing gay ass portraits of boats and banging an annoying lady who dreams of one day leaving the dump she dwells in. The action heats up when the Shopkeeper go to the police after a shakedown at a Bingo night… Tommy goes apeshit on some gang members for beating up the Latino child and trashing the broad’s plants. Tommy is now the hero like it or not, the people feel like the Souls are losing power but Tommy just wants the get the fuck out NY and back to a boat with mad dudes on it, after getting jumped by the Souls and finding Whacko dead in a pile of trash.
Defiance is perfect viewing material for fans of Deathwish or the warriors, one man army is a great genre of film and as you know that if one man stands up against the bad guys aka Father Guido Douchey, it usually leads to the uplifting climax with the neighborhood standing up to the villains. Defiance has one of the most amazing soundtracks, I ever heard and it may beat of kickboxer as one of my favorite soundtracks, Stan Bush would be proud. Don’t be a peckerhead, just watch it.