Tenement aka Game of Survival

When I purchased this film I never heard of this but taking a chance because it cover art was 80’s punk/gang members looking as if they did not meet Charles Bronson yet. I assumed that I was going to be watching a simple film of revenge dealt out by punks on dopes, this is a film that should be shown nightly in the SF moma. I have yet even get to facts about Tenement but I already want your copy purchased by now anyways…

The intro is a slummy Bronx footage with just about the best rap songs with 10 words or less, no I am not sure if there is a grammy for that but there should be. Now this film is a cobb salad of racial stereotypes and for some reason when Disney leaves out violence and make cartoons singing racial stereotypes, its a grand idea to show your children! its beyond me sorry its ranting now. I will get back to the film and from the ground up this is aces in my book! The gang is a glue sniffing rainbow crew of assorted of all color who have all agreed to look beyond petty differences and live in the basement of a tenement and hassle the dwellers of the building… and by now it bananas with stereotypes like the fat drunk Mexican, old Jewish lady and the black handyman, now the teams have been picked, light the powderkeg of pure fun!
This Film has so many things my eyeballs never thought they would get to see and boy are they glad they did! the fat drunk gets a bottle to the head, rats eaten with knifes, dead dog hangings and the main bad guy is a vested palooka named Chato which sounds like Chaco taco with his overplayed accent and the rest of the gang would fit quite nicely in the nosebleed section of the gang treaty from the Warriors.
The plot concerns is the multi cultural gang is unhappy due to the fact, the tenants called the cops and they are back for revenge, when ensues is just about as wonderful as early Troma films. The tenants are a motley crew themselves, focused on the hesitant leader and I see this man as a sympathetic character, just goes to show you… no sleeves and greats arms don’t mean you want to lead people and I have faces this problem in my life.
Now lets get to the part where this movie takes a turn for the AMAZING. I have seen very few films that can down right repulse and manage to deliver a solid plot this is your film. I am talking just about one scene in particular, the broomstick rape scene of a woman who just stabs a gang member with a pair of scissors and then she is just punched the crap of by the other gang members and then they take a broom and open her legs and use the broom like a breadstick in her olive garden, while her child is watching.
Before this film is deemed offensive, what is wrong with showing a mirror up to the face of people by showing just how ugly people are. I find that no matter how much vile things on screen, people just never take in account that there is a need for films like this to balance off the Blockbuster way of life. Why in the fuck would you watch another Jason Stratham movie in which he kicks a door? just go into to Blockbuster and see how little choice you have. I went to cockfucker in Sonoma looking for the Running Man for some solid entertainment and the dumpy clerk who after waiting a painful three minutes in line of fuckfaces who dont know nothing but sequels of remakes of something that someone else made. My point is that the broomstick rape seen made not only my roommate leave the room, a bonus of my girlfriend at the time left my apartment and this are moments I cherish.
The rest is a gigglefest of the gang slowly making their way up to the top of the building and all the wacky adventures and grisly deaths, showing you cant keep a rag tag team of dwellers down. The rest of Tenement is a valiant battle of the scared residents using their wits against the glue sniifers.

 

Roberta Findlay has an amazing Imdb profile stuffed with Porn and horror and if you watch the extras, you will see what a goofy broad from New york she is. See this film and fend off remakes and someday it will all be over, we will see a new wave of genre films. I wait for the day that I will see a new film I enjoy and not every three years.

Onibaba (1964)

If someone had lice would you steal their hat and wear it? … No?  Than why would you take a mask from a guy with a melted off face?  What the hell is wrong with you!

(2/5) you can watch it here if you feel like looking at ugly naked people running through tall grass and throwing strangers in a creepy hole

Neon Maniacs

Since I am know for my skills in oneupmensship and its really one of my better qualities. I have to tell people instead of watching Nightbreed, people should seek out a lovely lesser known film Neon Maniacs. The films starts out just as one would guess, with an older dude all alone and with the “what sound was that look on the face” boom he gets greased when he finds tarot cards with creatures who predate Nightbreed by four years, and still manage to outgay Clive Barker and thats hard to do! Now the Maniacs are a rogues gallery of monsters who looks like someone got a great deal on bulk costumes, theres a biker, a doctor, a doglike thing, something that looks like a booger with sharp teeth, samuri and a bunch of stotic non verbal killers. The focus of the story has shades of peyton place and romeo and juliet…not really, its about the lovely blond girl who has her in the woods party attacked by the neon maniacs and she is the only one to live to tell the tale. She has little help by the people who think she made it all up, this allows a reason to bring in the nerdish hero guy who happens to be in a Rick Springfield influenced band and he happens to believe she is not lying. The film progresses quite nicely with a classmate who makes horror movies and is a pest, wackiness ensues as it goes into the final act and I will not tell you where it happens and if you’ve ever seen one horror film it will come to no suprise and its open ended 80’s finish makes you wish you grew up watching this expand into a franchise, sadly it was just Jason takes Manhattan and it may be for the best because most genre just became self parody and I would throw this baby in a lake before I let any harm or remake would arise.

The Being, Again


Foreboding fog emanates from the fog machine inadvertently captured in the lower left corner of the screen. An acrid odor seeps from the local disposal dump. Night looms and The Being lurks.

What a horrible night to have a curse.

And cursed Potsville, Idaho is. Cursed with a twelve foot tall bipedal sausage that “mutilates and decapitates.”

Every night The Being, a sentient conglomeration of circumcised foreskin, emerges from his sophisticated system of underground tunnels to terrorize ordinary people–people just like you and me.

His maniacal rampage begins with the brutal execution-style killing of a man in his own home. The Being knocks on the front door. A bare-chested man opens the door and snaps his red, white and blue suspenders against his chest as he greets the deranged dildo-shaped monster. “What can I do for ya? This ain’t no hour to be bangin on people’s doors, ya know.” The Being stares as a strong wind plucks three-inch blue-gray hairs from the man’s stout corpus, dense with a century’s worth of accreted bumpkin cuisine.

“Well?” The man gestures for a response. The Being shoots him with laser beams.

The Being then stumbles upon two young lovers in the park while he is foraging for used condoms. He interrupts their séance with more laser beams.

Just when you thought The Being embodied only the macabre, he rescues a kitten from a tree. “Thanks again, The Being,” says old lady Speransky, pink curlers clinging to her head as The Being hands her Muffy. They smile at each other like a Mentos commercial.

Then he lobs her head off and fucks the cat.

The film has a bit of a queer ending however. While renovating his catacombs a logistical error causes The Being to become lodged in some plumbing with his head protruding into someone’s toilet bowl. The proprietor of the toilet recognizes The Being from a poster he saw at the post office which read, “Wanted Dead or Alive or Crammed in a Pipe”. The man flushes the toilet, and with this gesture purges evil from the very bowels of Potsville.

Jackie Kong’s The Being is like an onion. Every time you watch it you unravel another layer.

And then you start crying.

Ben Ford also hosts his own blogs, including torturedenglish.blogspot.com.

Unholy Moly’s Top ten for Two Thousand and Nine

in no good order  here is my top ten of the year
  • John Lithgow – way to trump the 5000 actors who played serial killers on Dexter I honestly wanted a spin-off of some sort
 

  • The M.J. Conspiracy – Desperate for money to keep living his eccentric life style Michael Jackson faked his death to give his record sales life again it was the only way to get past his alleged pedophilia 

  • Krampus – I just learned of this amazing creatures existence American children are missing out on fearing Krampus
  • Type O Negative at the Palladium – They were slow deep and hard
  • C.O.D.M.W. 2 – I’ve been a 24 hour killing machine  ever since this came out
  •  My 10 Speed Gargamel – It’s rusty and noisy and bad ass 
  • Motorhead at The H.O.B. – The only god I need is Lemmy 
  • Meeting Malcolm McDowell – ” Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. To what do I owe the extreme pleasure of this surprising visit?” I wish he greeted me like that

  • The Orphan – Its great when you think a movie is going to suck and it kicks you in the fucking neck and tells you that you know nothing
  • Chandra said yes!!! – someone wants to spend the rest of their life with me

2009 was a long long year but a lot of good things came out of it in the end unfortunately there were far more terrible things hopefully 2010 is boring or at the least my truck lives another year  

– regretfully yours, Unholy Moly

Casual dress for a shallow grave’s Top ten for Two Thousand and Nine

10. Find out today that Susan Sarandon is single again, She proves that milf does a body good.

9. Going to see paranormal activity, it had none of the screaming like a bitch men in the advert. Knowing that it was a good movie, but felt the ending was trite just to please the masses with buttered fingers and screaming children whom all later enjoyed a fun outting to the mall.

8. combining all the different ways to watch films (Hulu, netflix, video room, crackle and theaters) into one nonstop movie that my life is.

7. Troll 2, so much to say about this film. I would need a separate earth to house all the love in my heart for Troll 2.

6. WWE greatest managers documentry, Classy Freddy Blassie is a man I have idolized even since I found out what the man stood for. I had my life changed for the better after reading his book and I took the mantle of warning the world about the peril of pencil neck geeks and what harm they cause the world.

5. Chicago and Earth, wind and fire at the Greek theater.

4. Getting my fat ass to the gym, sheet cake is ranked 11 to 43 in my best of list.

3. Going though the entire seires of the Shield.

2. Making a joke of Brittany Murphy’s death as soon as I found out about it, by saying she was the female Heath Ledger and Perez Hilton just put up the same headline after me…Sorry Bitch. FIRST!

1. Introducing my girlfriend to the best show to ever exist, Father Ted. Father Ted is the funniest show ever to not get heard of by the masses, if course it was from the bbc, it had to be from England because it does not reflect the 2.5 kill yourself picket fence suburb hell that most sitcoms have, Sorry Tim Allen drugs did not make you funny or edgy, just made you a lame ass decked out in plaid, wheres your career? Is it sitting on the pocket of a santa suit in a broom closet of a Disney soundstage?

This does not sum up my entire year, but just a few moments in time. Fuck anyone who still holds a candle for god, ghosts or anyone ooga booga shit, that cannot be verified with science. I have been told all my life to respect beliefs of others. I have become more focused in my anger towards “beliefs” seeing that just fifty years ago people wanted me dead just because I fell in the jewish way of life, I make an effort to turn my back towards anything pretaining to “faith” Faith itself disgusts me, its the perfect way to have a bottomfeeder have the ability to end an arguement by saying ” I see you have presented your facts, but I will still go to church every sunday so I can pay rent to my invisible landlord”.

Make the most of your new year and crush the windpipe of anyone who would harm animals(besides bacon)